Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with Irish wit and wisdom

JOn KlUsMIre



Alberta Newspaper Group



St. Patrick’s Day is an annual celebration of everything Irish, from blarney to green beer. The most-familiar Irish icons include four-leaf clovers, corned beef and cabbage, leprechauns decked out in green garb and a green derby hat, and buttons that proclaim, “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” The Emerald Isle is also rightly famous for the wit and wisdom that has flowed from the island into the world. To honor the Irish and their unique view of themselves and the world, here are some colorful proclamations that can enliven everyone’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. BLESSINGS • May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, The rains fall soft upon your fields, And, until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand. • May the Lord keep you in His hand and never close His fist too tight. • God is good, but never dance in a small boat. • May you escape the gallows, avoid distress, and be as healthy as a trout. • I’m Irish and Catholic – see my picture in the dictionary next to the word guilt. • May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead. • May the Irish hills caress you, may her lakes and rivers bless you, may the luck of the Irish enfold you, may the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you. FOOD AND DRINK WISDOM • It’s no use boiling your cabbage twice. • Every man is sociable until a cow invades his garden. • May you have: No frost on your spuds, no worms on your cabbage. May your goat give plenty of milk. And if you inherit a donkey, may she be in foal. • May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat. • When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven! • Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him. • God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish people from ruling the world. • Here’s to the health of your enemies’ enemies. • The reason the Irish are always fighting each other is they have no other worthy opponents. • May your troubles be as few and as far apart as my grandmother’s teeth. • Everyone is wise until he speaks. • There are only three kinds of Irish men who can’t understand women — young men, old men, and men of middle age. • Here’s to our wives, and here’s to our sweethearts, May the two never meet! • As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way. • Experience is the comb that life gives a bald man. • The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven’t seen the joke yet. • If you’re lucky enough to be Irish … You’re lucky enough!