Time to spice up those boring social media ‘days’

Oh no. It looks like I missed “Daughter Day” on social media. I have a daughter, but I didn’t post a great photo of her along with a gushing pronouncement about how she is the most beautiful, wonderful thing on Earth, blah, blah, blah.

Oh no, take two. I also missed “Son Day,” which came a day after “Daughter Day.” Again, I do have a son, but I didn’t post a striking photo of him and a proclamation that he makes be proud be alive and is also the most wonderful thing on Earth, blah, blah, blah.

As I opened my social media feeds with dread the next day I anticipated that I would, once again, miss some sort of “Day” designed to make me dredge up some mushy family or work photo and declare some thing or the other was the only reason for me to draw a breath on this “Day.”

But the reprieve won’t last long. Social media, whether Facebook or Instagram, always finds a “Day” to declare or announce in a successful move to guilt trip users into posting something.

Daughters and Sons are rather pedestrian, however. So let’s spice things up a little bit with some more interesting “Days.”

Stop right there. It is always Dog and Cat Day on social media. Chill.

Staying with the kid theme, let’s have a “Wish That Was My Kid Day,” featuring a photo of a young person actually calling mom and dad and, most importantly, seeming to enjoy talking to the parents. Good luck finding that photo anywhere on the internet.

Now, think out of the box. How about “Under the Couch Day?” Go ahead and take a peek and then post a photo of dust balls, stray M&Ms, chunks of moldy pizza crusts, marbles, spare change and random kid’s toys.

Sticking with the home theme, do an “Expired Food Day,” featuring moldy cheese, a carton of milk that out-dated three weeks ago, lettuce that is beyond limp and has become black and slimy, and those old COVID cupboard pandemic emergency beans and spaghetti that has a February 15, 2021 “use by” date.

This should be fun: “Celebrity Look Alike Day.” Go ahead and declare you look like George Clooney or Harry Stiles, or big-hair Princess Diana or Taylor Swift. If you are brave, you and your partner can do a “Celebrity Couples Look Alike Day.” But be forewarned you might then get a “comment” comparing you two love birds to Princess Leia and Jabba the Hut.

“I Wish I Could Eat This Day.” Should be easy to get a photo of a dozen Hing’s Donuts, two pounds of gourmet Swiss chocolate, a two-pound rib-eye steak, a chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes smothered with gravy, or a bowl of tofu curry (just kidding).

Back on the family theme, how about “Annoying Relative Day?” Go ahead and let that cousin know she was annoying when she did a drunken strip tease at your daughter’s wedding reception (be prepared for some smart aleck to adopt said stripper cousin for “Wish That Was My Kid Day”) or confirm that your uncle’s 20-second, two-octave beer burp on Thanksgiving was a bit much.

The “Routine Day On My Dream Job” should fill social media with photos of folks on a beach chair on a beach, or sitting on a Sierra peak, “taking a call.”

“Best Boss Ever Day” should be a slam dunk for folks who want to butter up, suck up, make up or otherwise get some brownie points from the boss. The hardest part will finding a photo of the boss actually working instead of waving you away while he/she is “taking a call.”